Posts Tagged ‘lost’

moonlight

Posted: November 14, 2019 in poetry, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

a silver path lights my way
then its gone
i’m hidden in blackness
i am lost


A short story of my little adventure yesterday.

It starts fine my run round Midgely Moor. I feel good and I’m running well. I’m alone on the moors and I’m enjoying it. I follow the route up and over High Brown Knoll, down to Warley Moor Reservoir and up the bog following the fence. Then it all goes wrong, very wrong. I climb over the stile and head for the stones at the top of the moor. Except that today I can’t see them because the fog has descended on the moor and the layer of grey mist is all there is here. I think I’m following the right path, I see some stones and head for them believing I am on the right path. But I’m not. I walk around the moors for 5 long miles through ankle deep water and knee high tussocks getting more lost and confused with each step. I hear voices but cannot see anyone. Are these the voices of the dead who got lost on these moors and come out when the fog hides them? I pass the stones again and realise I am alone on the moors, lost in a blanket of fog with only the voices of the dead calling out to me. I keep seeing a path only to get close and realise it’s just grass of a different colour. Is this it I wonder? Is this where my life ends alone on the moors, exhausted, confused, scared. I pass the stones again and head in a straight line, it’s my only hope of getting off the moor. I come out of the fog and I can see where I am as the air clears around me. In the distance I can see a path, this is much clearer than the others. I head over the moor and finally get to the path. I can get home now back to the warmth and safety of my home and away from the moor that wants to eat me up.


It’s the day when dreams come true. My first day at big school, Tong Comprehensive. I remember looking at Tong when I was at Holmefield First and dreaming of what it would be like to go there, be there, feel so grown up, feel like an adult. And now that day has come, I’m here. I stand in the playground surrounded by children and teachers. Everybody seems to know what they’re doing. Except me. I am in the eye of a storm. I don’t know what to do or where to go. I don’t feel grown up, I don’t feel like an adult. I feel adrift in space, floating like a piece of driftwood in the ocean. Is this what it’s like to grow up and be an adult? Lost and not knowing what you’re doing or where you’re going or what you want? If it is take me back to that moment when I looked over at Tong and dreamed of going there. I knew where I was that day, I knew where I was going, I knew what I wanted. Take me back to that moment when life was to be enjoyed and not now when life is a continuous series of never ending storms taking me everywhere but where I want to be.


Dad had a good job at the Co-op warehouse. It was easy to get to, only 10 minutes walk from home and the wages were decent. We bought a colour TV, music centre and other bits to bring us into the 20th century. I was happy at school and playing with my new friends. Mum was happy with her part time cleaning job. Everything seemed fine. More money for dad meant more to spend on beer and consequently late nights and days off work. Eventually it all caught up with dad and he was sacked from his job for persistent days off. Alcohol had taken over his life and now it had a knock on effect on ours too. Less money meant less for food, bills and little treats. Dad continued drinking, sometimes going missing for days, coming home with cuts, bruises and torn clothes and no memory of what had happened. If only dad could have kept off the alcohol or at least drunk in moderation things might have been very different, but I’ll never know. I only know the reality that I lived through and can only guess at the reality that might have been.

dark skies

Posted: August 9, 2019 in poetry, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

sky darkens
in an instance
light is gone
i knew where
i was and now
i’m lost
i could be anywhere
all I know is
i am here
wherever here is

where am i

Posted: November 14, 2016 in poem, poetry, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

sky darkens
light is gone
in an instance
i knew where
i was and then
now i could be anywhere
anywhere in the world
i know i am here
wherever here is


Wow what a day, Sunday 13th December was! My very first West Yorkshire Winter League (WYWL) meeting at Dewsbury and it is a day I will never forget!

The day started with my car covered in ice, not the most encouraging of starts but when it’s cold in December you have to expect anything. Then it was time to have breakfast, get dressed and go and pick my mate up. Always happy to give someone a lift and even more so when they know where they are going. I’m legendary for getting lost even when it’s close to home. So my mate was a welcome addition to the journey.

And so with my mates excellent directions we arrived at Hopton Mills Cricket Club, Mirfield in plenty of time for the start and we were soon enjoying some friendly banter with our team mates from Queensbury Running Club (QRC). The party atmosphere was evident at the club with runners from eleven different running clubs all milling about the place getting ready for the start.

When the call came to start I went to the back and joined some of my team mates there. I do this because I’m not that fast and don’t want to get swamped by the faster runners and there were some seriously fast runners at Dewsbury on Sunday. The field was full of quality runners throughout who, irrespective of finishing position would put their heart and soul into doing their very best for their club and team mates on the day.

The starter gave the order to go and I set off steadily remembering that I have a long, tough race ahead of me and I would need lots of energy to get round the course in one piece. However after a couple of hundred yards this was soon forgotten as I started passing people and moving up the back of the field.

Immediately it was obvious that this was going to be a very muddy race as you couldn’t avoid it so I ploughed on going uphill through the mud and soon I was climbing the first serious hill. I had already decided I would walk up the hills in an effort to save energy for the flat and downhill sections. This would turn out to be a very good move.

The first hill came and went and soon I was keeping pace with the group in front and breaking away from the group behind. We hit some open country and I felt comfortable with my pace and form and then came the first mistake of the day. The woman in front turned right and for some strange reason I thought she was going for a pee! Unable to fully understand the broken English from the marshal I headed for a farm and because the road split in two I turned back to the marshal to ask which way to go.

The marshal pointed towards the field and I muttered something under my breath and set off after the pack I had been following. This pack though was now out of sight and in a field of nearly 300 runners I found myself in the middle of nowhere on my own! So I carried on running through mud and cow shit and even encountering the occasional bit of path.

I just kept going and still felt quite good. Stopping never occurred to me once. My only aim was to finish. I came down a hill and all of a sudden there was road, buildings and lots of runners! I was confused as to where to go but after asking some of my team mates in my usual direct way I was at the bottom of the final hill. I had also noticed that one of my team mates was catching me and fast so I decided I needed to put some pace into the final climb and create a gap for the finish.

At the top of the climb I looked back and could see nobody. I had done it and created the gap I needed on the final climb. I set off on the trail path but again I was lost as there was no marshals or markers to indicate which way to go. So in my usual way I just went straight forward and luckily there was a man with his son who pointed me in the right direction. I had to double back and head down the hill but by now two of my team mates had caught and passed me so I started to chase them.

But I had nothing left in my legs that would enable me to catch and pass them. I did my best and caught one of my team mates up but the other was too far in front. I did my best to sprint and thought I had done enough but then I heard some of the QRC runners who had finished shouting her name and realised she was very, very close behind me.

I thought the finish was two orange posts and I only just beat her here but apparently the finish was round the corner and because I had slowed down she beat me to the finish. I will say though that she is a great little runner who I have a lot of respect for and I couldn’t wish to lose to a better runner.

In the bar afterwards I felt light headed and I knew then I had given everything and some more on the day and I had nothing left at all. This was a good feeling and on reflection I believe that this race has made me a better runner mentally and physically. Added to this feeling was the fact that even the top runners took some wrong turns and found it very tough. When you know it’s not just you it does make you feel better in yourself and a part of the running community.

The next WYWL race is January 3rd at Idle and I feel ready for it and I’m looking forward to it. I’m hoping I can do better but it is how it is on the day but I now know I can run and race cross country so I have nothing to fear.

 


It’s not often I write a poem for an occasion but this Remembrance Sunday is a very special day because it is 100 years since the start of World War 1. I have written a poem to commemorate all the soldier’s who fought in WW1 and all subsequent wars too. I hope you get something from it.

a memory

she watches the service dress tunic

about turn and march away

to a foreign land of

mud and rain

blood and sweat

death and destruction

 

but also of friendships forged

as steel and iron surround them

of comrades in arms

building an imbreachable wall

of colleagues together

in life, in death

 

and she hopes that

the man she loves

inside that uniform

returns one day

 

to hold her

to hug her

to kiss her

to love her

 

that the back of a

smart khaki uniform

the back of a

shiny army helmet

the back of a

perfect haircut

 

is not the last she sees of him

is not her final memory of him

is not the ending that lies latent

in her fearful heart

 

and now he’s gone

an empty street

a soundless world

stillness lies on stillness

as a life without meaning

absorbs her soul

and the earth spins today

but time lulls to and fro

as each opening year

brings a dense realisation

that the one man she loved

is gone

 

forever

never to hug

never to kiss

never to love

lost in a field in Belgium

where poppies grow

 

and the woman

clutches the hand

of the little girl

and passes her a picture

of a handsome young man

in a smart army uniform

 

take this Alice

and pass it on

down the ages

so that generations

can remember him

the man who gave his life

 

so we may live in hope

of a world survived

of a future restored

keep the memory of

your granddad alive

your grandma’s one and only true love

 

he may be absent in body

but he’s never forgotten in spirit

in our hearts, our minds, our souls

he lives on

in a poppy field in Belgium

he lives on

 

and as the last post plays

he lives on

with thousands and thousands

of courageous men

who gave their lives

so we have ours

 

 

but also of friendships forged

as steel and iron surround them

of comrades in arms

building an imbreachable wall

of colleagues together

in life, in death

 

and she hopes that

the man she loves

inside that uniform

returns one day

 

to hold her

to hug her

to kiss her

to love her

 

that the back of a

smart khaki uniform

the back of a

shiny army helmet

the back of a

perfect haircut

 

is not the last she sees of him

is not her final memory of him

is not the ending that lies latent

in her fearful heart

 

and now he’s gone

an empty street

a soundless world

stillness lies on stillness

as a life without meaning

absorbs her soul

and the earth spins today

but time lulls to and fro

as each opening year

brings a dense realisation

that the one man she loved

is gone

 

forever

never to hug

never to kiss

never to love

lost in a field in Belgium

where poppies grow

 

and the woman

clutches the hand

of the little girl

and passes her a picture

of a handsome young man

in a smart army uniform

 

take this Alice

and pass it on

down the ages

so that generations

can remember him

the man who gave his life

 

so we may live in hope

of a world survived

of a future restored

keep the memory of

your granddad alive

your grandma’s one and only true love

 

he may be absent in body

but he’s never forgotten in spirit

in our hearts, our minds, our souls

he lives on

in a poppy field in Belgium

he lives on

 

and as the last post plays

he lives on

with thousands and thousands

of courageous men

who gave their lives

so we have ours