Posts Tagged ‘experience’


After last Thursdays fourteen miler I’m feeling confident so decide to go for a run over the Calderdale Way Relay Leg 4, with runners from a local running club. Sunday morning comes round and I’m not feeling as confident.

Most of the runners who were going to run aren’t now because of the reputation of the guy leading the run as a hard and fast runner and it is bitterly cold with a layer of snow covering the high ground of Yorkshire.

My nerves aren’t helped when on arriving at the meeting point I am greeted by six runners who all look like they know what they are doing and I feel out of my depth and worry that I will be left behind in the middle of the moors somewhere!

We begin from Blackshaw Edge and immediately I am trailing behind the others. I am struggling badly on the downhills today which seem to be covered in either wet leaves or snow. Either way I’m not in a downhill mood today and this sets the theme for the rest of the run.

We go down and up some small climbs before we go through woods on narrow trails which connect the small villages around this area. We begin the big descent to the bottom of the valley and I am left behind struggling to get a decent pace going on the wet cobbles and leaves.

I get to the bottom and soon I am beginning the first major ascent a brutal climb of around 700ft to the top of the moors. On the climb I find some decent form at last and manage to keep the other runners in sight for a change!
At the top of the moors the landscape changes.

We go from paths covered in leaves and mud to a vast open expense of snow covered moorland. There is a trig point for us to aim for but the paths have disappeared under the snow and it is easy to take a wrong path as we find out a couple of times!

It is at once stunningly beautiful with a raw harshness and you know you could easily take a wrong turn or twist an ankle and nature would chew you up and leave you in no doubt who was in charge.

The only paths to follow are the occasional trail that pokes through the snow or the stream that run down to the valley below. After five minutes my feet have turned to blocks of ice. I have no feeling below my ankles, every step feels like I am running on bricks, jarring my shins and making it difficult to run. This is a new experience for me and one I may need to get used to.

Strange thoughts go through my mind, will I ever regain any feeling in my feet? Will they turn black? Will they fall off? Can I run 21 miles with this feeling in my feet if I need to?

This lack of feeling in my feet continues for around four miles. It’s a massive relief when we finally start to come off the moors and see green fields and know I will be warm again.

After another downhill on which I again struggle embarrassingly the final climb comes into view and I find my stride and manage to save some face.

All in all it’s been a very good days running with new running friends and a new route too. I’ve learnt a lot about myself, where I am strong and where I need to improve, but most of all despite struggling on the downhills and thinking my feet were going to drop off because they were so cold I’ve really enjoyed myself and hope to do it again soon.


searching for a key
yet to be cut
to fit a lock
rusted by time
to open a door
that leads nowhere


One of the biggest problems I face in my daily life living with Asperger’s is not only understanding the facial expressions and non-verbal communications of others but understanding how my own facial and non-verbal expressions ae interpreted and understood by others. I spend a lot of time wondering and worrying if I come across to others the way I intend or if I’m misunderstood, misinterpreted and come across in a completely different way. This last one could be a possibility as I have been surprised and confused by the reactions of others when I have looked at them and they have responded completely differently to how I expected.


does the key to life, to living
come not from the concrete
maze encasing society
in a man made prison
but from wide open spaces
of grass, heather, trees, mud,
rolling hills that go on forever
and release humanity
from the mad made
shackles of modern life
if only for a short time


anticipation builds
excitement intense
grains of sand
pass through hands
nothing left
but faded faces

poem for today

Posted: September 23, 2016 in poem, poetry, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

furtive glances
lives in eyes
tell stories
without words
no more is said


conversation goes
words flow
voices stop
silent world


pounding of hearts
sweating of hands
shuffling of feet
hands held
lives connect
never seen again


you first came to my house
ran to the cellar, a blur
disappeared into the darkness
made it your home for weeks
one day i saw you
for the first time ever
as you walked out the door
left, forever i thought…
days later you came back
i was the chosen one
who would be looking after you
climbing trees with ease
faster than a shooting star
playing in sun
sleeping in snow
chasing mice for fun
birds a present for me
fights with Jodie
who will sleep on my knee
you enjoyed life
as queen of the street
growing older you
slow down preferring
cuddles to fights
getting softer with age
i believed you would
live forever
but the day came
when your body
could take no more
as you wrapped your paw
around the tip
of my finger
purred one last time
said goodbye daddy
i knew it was your time
to go to Rainbow Bridge
to play with Jodie
and the other
cats and dogs
just the way
you did when you
was young
furever
 


regret nothing, live
what is gone
cannot be undone
distant memories
still haunt you
stop them taking
over your mind
the past cannot
be altered
the present can
be created
live your life anew
with no regrets