Posts Tagged ‘discovered’


This is a poem about how I felt before I got my diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome in 2008. I felt that something in my life was missing but didn’t know what or even what I was looking for. This was an intensely confusing time and this poem reflects this.

The dog walks past and does not bark

Silently it walks by

The bird perches but does not sing

It sits in the branch staring

The content cat does not purr

It waits and listens

Something is missing

I am missing something

My sixth sense is overflowing

Overwhelming me with a

Message that the world is

Not as it seems

Not what I hear

Not what I see

Not what I touch

Not what I taste

Not what I smell

Not what I know

Not what I believe

Reality is metaphorical

I am on a stage

With no script

No instruction

No direction

No movement

No action

Interpretation is open and closed

Communication alive and dead

Understanding nothing and everything

Something is missing

And I pick the needle up


This is a three part interview I did in 2011 on how I live with Asperger’s. I hope you like it and welcome any comments you may have.

Thanks

Andy


Dragging limbs of lead up and up, on and on

So heavy, so incredibly heavy

Cannot carry on but I have no choice

Stop and look around

Villages once so large are now so small

Like a model village in my clutches

I reach out and pick up cottages a pub a church

All in my hands, in my grasp

Heather snaps at my heels

Its coarseness reminds me to move on

To higher ground where my goal lies

Slowing down as the heather gets thicker

The earth like a mattress bouncing my

Weary limbs back ready for one more

Tired stride towards a summit that is forever

Disappearing, getting further and further away

And then there it is

The summit that is my goal, my aim

Limbs as light as air now as

I race towards my nirvana

And then here I am

Sat on top of the world


were the soul-giving

maker of my spirit

the bringer of divine-pleasure

my desire-enhancer

an enchanting-Goddess

of a thousand dreams

turned into the reality-giver

shaping the mundanity

of life-reflected

into a heaven sent

Angelic-lover from

a paradise thought lost

forever but now found in

You


lives are lived on slabs of

concrete as grey as the

sky filled with tears on an

autumnal August day

and sticks of life

run around a ball

spinning in space

that never ever

reaches its goal 


One thing I don’t do very often is rewrite my poems. However I have rewritten one called ‘I Believe’ and it got an amazing response when I read it recently at a poetry event. What do you think……………….

I believe you

When I stare in your face

And see a happy smile

Beaming back at me

 

I believe you

When you tell me you’re

Happy to see me

And kiss me gently

 

I believe you

When you hug me tightly

Squeezing me warmly

Feeling your skin on mine

 

I believe you

I believe every word you say to me

Every touch of your person

I take it literally

 

I believe you

Because I know no other way

And whether you truly mean it or not

I still believe you


Today was an amazing day for me. I was invited to Specialist Autism Services, an autism charity based in Bradford, England. I was invited down to talk about my poem ‘My Eyes’ and the subsequent film derived from it made by Courtney Sandifer to some of the students from the creative writing workshop. It was a surreal experience for me answering questions about one of my poems and talking about the story behind it. I’ve never experienced anything like it before and it was humbling for me to have people there who wanted to listen to my words and hearing one of the students read my poem out.

After the reading and the film I read my new poem ‘Ignored’ out and the students then got very creative turning it into a film and a cartoon. It was inspiring for me to see and hear the ideas they came up with just from one of my poems! I felt that they had far more creativity in them than I did and to me they proved it. When the workshop had finished and the students told me that they could not believe they were meeting a real life author and how much they had enjoyed the workshop it really hit home how words and writing have the power to change lives and inspire others.

For the record I don’t consider myself an author. I’m just someone who is able to put his feelings, thoughts and emotions into words that other’s can take something from. This makes it very, very rewarding for me and very worthwhile to keep going and never stop writing.


As I continue on my journey in this life I am slowly beginning to realise that the best way to express myself is through the written word and the wonderful language we have at our disposal day after day after day. Finally after fearing that I would never be able to fully express myself through any form of communication, the rediscovery of the written word has set me free once again. My poems may not be the best or win any prizes, but to me they are an expression of how I feel in that very instance, that very snap shot of the time I have on this planet. Each and every day I am seeing new sights, hearing new sounds, smelling new odours, everything is now something to be discovered instead of passing it by as if it doesn’t exist. A stone is no longer a stone. A stone has meaning and depth. Where did it come from? Where has it been? Where is it going? What has it seen? It is no longer a stone in the road, but now has life and meaning. My mind is expanding, my vocabulary is expanding, my whole world is expanding. Some might say that it is too late to discover all this but I say that the only time it is too late to discover anything is when we have left this world and gone to the next one.

It is never too late to rediscover life, to give something or someone a new meaning and to rediscover the person within you.

Andrew Smith 20th June 2014