Archive for July, 2015


A great blog from the very talented Kim Moore

Kim Moore

I’m writing this from a hotel room in Dublin, which seems unwise as earlier I agreed with the husband that it would be a brilliant idea to go running at 7am and it is now nearly 1am.  However, I have been wrestling with the hotel internet so it is not completely my fault.

I’ve been in Ireland since last Wednesday when we drove to Holyhead and got the 2.30am ferry across to Dublin.  I did manage to get a couple of hours sleep on the ferry but then we drove down to Glendalough which is an amazing ancient monastic city which is surprisingly intact.  It has this wonderful tower, with the door twelve feet up in the air which apparently the monks would have accessed via a ladder which would have then been pulled up so the vikings couldn’t get to them. We got there at 7am and had the…

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I said goodbye to this tall, slender, memory

From my past that had from nowhere

Come back into my life, rekindling teenage desires

Unexpected but welcome, a distraction from daily life

 

And now this vessel of pure white skin, topped with

Fair, blonde hair, cascading down towards mother earth

Covering pure, delicate bone. So light yet so strong

Stood before me, so close, I could smell her lipstick

On my tongue as we stood burning each others image

 

Into the deepness of our memories, ready to be

Recalled when we awoke in the early hours of a

Summers morning, the sun peering over the horizon

Getting ready to wake up unsuspecting men and women.

 

Her fingers left mine, hanging nowhere, just there

As we said goodbye forever, knowing this would be the

Last time we saw each other, touched each other, tasted each other…

 

I turned and touched a single, lonely bead of sweat

Resting on the pillow before it melted into soft fabric

Gone forever, never coming back

The smell of lavender hanging in the air

Reminding me of the night before…

 

I gather the bead of sweat, so soft, so light, so clear

On the tip of my forefinger, look at it taking in

The colours of the world bouncing away in all directions

Before I place it gently on the tip of my tongue

And take a last taste of you, my last memory of you

As I say goodbye to you, forever


Today is not a good day. I feel down, depressed torn between two different me’s both fighting to be in control of me. I don’t know who I am or what I am doing here. I’m operating on auto pilot for the sake of survival.

All I want to do is curl up in a ball and go to sleep. Wake up? Who knows? Maybe, maybe not. But not wake up like this. In a land of nothing, going nowhere, floating in space with no direction.

I ran 11 miles yesterday. People were congratulating me telling me how inspirational I was. But who inspires me? Who is there for me to look up to when I need a lift? Who indeed.

All alone in a vast universe slowly being suffocated by the hand of life. No energy, just want to go to sleep and wake up somewhere different. But not on this place, not here…


I’m not myself today

I’m not me, whoever me is…

 

But I’m not that person today

I was myself yesterday

 

And the day before that

Or at least the person I think is me…

 

Tomorrow I could be anyone!

The Queen of Hearts swimming in tarts

 

The owl, or the pussycat, or both

The Ancient Mariner rapping in rhyme

 

I can be anyone I want to be…

But who am I if I’m not me?

 

If me, is not me, who is me?

Which me is me? The real me?

 

The me that makes me, me…

But I don’t want to be

 

This version of me

Whoever this me is

 

I want to be me

But not this me

 

I’m not myself today

I’ve no idea who I am…


The gate leans against the farmer

Digging into a sack of history

Stained with the smells of youth

That transparent, darkened raindrops

Have failed to fade into obscurity

 

Desperate to talk to the flesh of a dinosaur

Slowly rotting away under armour plated skin

Keeping out cold as bacteria thrives in warm flesh

Eating him alive, inside to out

Slowly killing him as time passes by

 

The gate watches, listening to the farmer

Sigh with nicotine filled lungs

Black with tar, a hole from no escape

Life is sucked in a one way passage

From this life to the next


I am trapped in the decaying coffin of bark

Forming the only life in this span of land

Trying to escape to breathe the air surrounding me

My existence only broken by the changing

Of the four seasons over time

Coming, going, as sure as the tide comes and goes

The tears of spring flow down my exposed features

Warm rays of summer split my gentle skin

Autumn blows through on currents of time

Blind winter darkens unreachable corners

Piece by piece I fall apart

Breaking away and falling to nowhere

Less and less turning to nothing

Mind and body decay

Soul and spirit evaporate

Only dust is left…


And so I move on in life

Onwards ever onwards

But the need to STOP

Reflect and reconnect to my

Inner self grows ever louder

It is time to go beyond me

Go beyond but I know

And reach new heights

Spiritually, mentally, physically

Or I will forever br

That piece of shit

On the pavement of life

That I was told I

Would be so long

Ago…

But now I can

Change my life

My circumstances

And say look at

Me

Look at what I can

Do

And go for it

And do your best

And see what you can do too…


Yesterday was race day!! Finally the biggest day of my short running experience had arrived. Saturday was a good day. I volunteered at Horton Park, parkrun and was very pleasantly surprised to see some running friends turn up who I hadn’t expected. It’s always a good start to the day when you see friendly, smiling faces. After the parkrun I had a chat with some of them and that ended another cracking parkrun.

The rest of Saturday was spent catching up on housework and assignments and generally trying to keep myself busy and focused on anything other than running! By 8:30pm I was shattered and in bed, everything ready for an early start to Leeds and the Eccup10 mile.

Sunday morning I was up bright and early and feeling very, very good physically and mentally. Bag ready and in the car and off I set to Leeds. As usual I had checked the route and as usual I got it wrong. Not as bad as when I went to Copley for the Bolton Brow Burner but still got slightly lost and parking near race HQ was a bit of a nightmare as some of the roads were closed around the HQ but I found a suitable spot and was soon at the start together with some of my fellow Queensbury runners waiting for the gun to go.

And then we were off!! I was mid pack by accident so I just let people pass me and got on with my own race. Quite soon I was into my rhythm and going along nicely. The course is undulating with some long drags and short, sharp climbs. Although I run for Queensbury which is on top of a hill I’m not the best hill climber, but I was determined to climb them and not stop. The strange thing was there seemed to be more uphill than downhill! It’s always a relief to relax on the downhill after a hard climb but on this course there was little respite.

But I kept going. Even the canal side was uphill which was a strange experience as usually the canal side is flat but not this one. The mile markers went by steadily, 1 mile, 2 mile, 3 mile, 4, 5 and 6 mile. Everything was going well and then my inner thigh on my left leg started to ache. It was a dull ache but enough to put me off my stride and give me something to think about.

Then my left hamstring started to ache too followed by my left outer thigh. My mind was a mass of thoughts. Do I keep up the pace and hope it goes? Do I slow down and look after my thigh and hamstring? Do I walk the reminder of the course and finish? The only thought that never crossed my mind was stopping and pulling out. That was never an option. I was wearing the Queensbury Running Club colours and I have too much pride in them to quit.

However this didn’t help my leg which by now was nicely throbbing away and a constant reminder to me that it was there and the pain was not going away anytime soon. I choose to run the flat and downhill sections which there seemed to be more of at last and walk the uphill parts. When I ran faster on the uphill sections the aching seemed to get better. However I was also aware that this may cause more damage and even tear something which would have been a disaster.

This wasn’t how I wanted my first 10 mile race to be but this was the cards I had been dealt with on the day and I had to cope with them as best as I could. Miles 7 and 8 seemed to be the worse where I lost most time and got passed by other runners. Never a good feeling. By miles 9 and 10 I had somehow picked the pace back up. The fear of finishing last had entered my mind and this spurred me on to do better and push my mind and body beyond what I had ever done before.

And it worked. I was keeping pace with a lass and a lad and although the lass did beat me to the finish line the lad did not. I didn’t finish last nor was I the last male finisher. And I even managed a little sprint finish too! The pain was there but in life we all suffer pain at some time. I remember telling myself that pain is temporary but the feeling and emotion of finishing is there forever.

At the end I mentioned that my leg was aching and for some strange reason was directed to the Red Cross. I think they were bored and just wanted something to do! After having a couple of tests and being told my blood pressure was high, surprise, surprise, I had just run 10 miles! I hobbled back out and found my friend whose son was looking after my car keys.

Then in my socks I began the long walk back to my car. This was the first time I had ever walked in my socks on tarmac in my life, but it was easier to walk in socks than my running shoes. And then I saw a familiar, friendly face. One of the lasses I know from running was coming towards me. I recognised her instantly and it was a very pleasant surprise to see her.

And she stopped and talked to me. Even though I couldn’t string two thoughts together let alone two words we tried to have a conversation. It wasn’t the best of circumstances especially as I was still recovering from putting my body through a lot but I tried to chat. And she was kind enough to offer me some jelly babies which were very warmly received by me. Well when I had enough energy to get some! They gave me enough energy to get back to my car and home. It was a lovely gesture and shows just how friendly the running community is.

On the way home I began to wonder if I had done the right thing slowing down? Could I have done more? Should I have done more? Was the injury as bad as I had led myself to believe? With all these thoughts whirring round my mind I got home feeling quite emotional and upset. I chatted with a friend about it but as they said these are questions to which only I know the answers.

And the answer soon came. I went upstairs to get a shower and my leg was still aching and in one part painful. That was all I needed to know that I had done the right thing in slowing down and looking after my leg. Pushing on could have made it a lot, lot worse than it was.

And what have I learnt from this whole experience? Read the large print and realise what you are entering before you do! In hindsight a 10 mile race was a step too much at this stage in my running. I’ve only done 3, 5k and 2, 10k races before so a race of this length was maybe too much?

However I also learnt that I can push myself further than I ever thought I could. I can dig deep when I need to and I do not quit. And I am capable of far more than I ever thought I was mentally and physically. And there is a lot more to come too. A hell of a lot more. And with my renewed confidence and self-belief in myself I can achieve so much more in all areas of my life.

And what now you may ask? Well I’ve entered another race, the Yorkshireman ½ marathon. This is one of the toughest ½ marathons around. It’s all off road around Haworth, Denholme and Oxenhope, not far from where I live. But it’s 14.8 miles not 13.1. 14.8 miles is a Yorkshire ½ marathon. We do things our way in Yorkshire.

But is this really a step too far? Well I prefer off road and I know a lot of the route already so I’m under no illusions about what I’m undertaking. I also realised after the Eccup 10 I need to change my training and my diet too. I need to lose at least ½ stone if not more. But I believe I can do it and deep down I know I can. It won’t be easy and it will be the toughest race of my life but I have the confidence and self-belief now to know I can achieve my goal of finishing the race. I will keep you updated.


Well it’s July at last and that means race day the 5th July isn’t far off now. Thoughts are turning to have I done enough training? Have I done the right training? Will I get to bed early enough to get to Eccup for 8.00am in the morning? Am I eating the right food? Am I drinking enough fluid? Will we still be in a heatwave on Sunday morning? Yes I am taking this seriously!

I got out on Sunday and did 9 miles round the local roads. The route was a good one with around 1100ft of climbing involved and on the way back I did 3 ½ miles without stopping which I was pleased with. It’s a very satisfying feeling when you run that far at the end of a run and you feel ‘in the zone’, your legs feel good and you have rhythm. It was an evening run and still warm but not too warm to be stifling and suffocating. I did 9 miles in around 1:48:21, so my target of 10 miles in under 2 hours is achievable depending on the weather conditions!

Tuesday night was a very different matter. I had been at university for around 11 hours doing assignments, having meetings and emailing people. I was tired when I got home but I still went for a run. And even though it was late evening it was hot, very hot! The first mile didn’t seem too bad but after that it was struggle. A real struggle to get going and keep going but I did for 4 miles. At the end of the day you can’t give up just because it’s warm and you’ve had a hard day. You have to keep going and do your best on the day and realise that you’re not going to have a good run every time but when you do have a good run it more than makes up for all the bad ones. I still ran 4 miles in 47:28 so I suppose it wasn’t quite as bad as it felt but at least it was another bad run out of the way.

Diet wise it’s still very much a matter of trial and error, I been feeling overly tired and weak recently a combination of training hard and not eating correctly. Today I changed my diet and I feel a lot better already. I had a hemp protein shake in the morning and this feels like it’s done the trick already. I haven’t been feeling strong and after doing some research on the internet I decided to try hemp protein. I chose hemp because it is naturally occurring and seems to have the least amount of chemicals and other man made substances in it. it doesn’t look or taste very nice but I gave it a go and have felt better all day. The heat has been energy sapping but an early night and another protein shake in the morning and I’m hoping tomorrow I will have even more energy.

With 3 days to go before my first 10 mile race I’m looking forward to it and hoping for the best. The weather forecast is a lot cooler than it has been and with rain the day before the humidity should drop too which will make things a lot more comfortable to run in. On the day I’m hoping I have plenty of energy and strength to complete the race in a good time on the day. Tomorrow night is club run night so my last training run before the big day, my last chance to see what form I’m in or not…