Archive for September, 2014


This is a three part interview I did in 2011 on how I live with Asperger’s. I hope you like it and welcome any comments you may have.

Thanks

Andy

The last throes of summer

Posted: September 26, 2014 in Uncategorized

The heather has turned brown as

Leaves flutter into pools of

Mud, created by tears of

Despair, carried by cavernous

Clouds, fleeing across

Skies of doom and despondence

But today as I sit here

Watching life migrate by

A season gone comes

Out to play for one

Last time, one last

Day as life returns and

Every nook and cranny is

Warmed for one last

Time and insects play

Out the last scene of

Their lives before the

Sun sets one more

Time on a barren landscape

That awaits the return of

Life once more but not

Today


Dragging limbs of lead up and up, on and on

So heavy, so incredibly heavy

Cannot carry on but I have no choice

Stop and look around

Villages once so large are now so small

Like a model village in my clutches

I reach out and pick up cottages a pub a church

All in my hands, in my grasp

Heather snaps at my heels

Its coarseness reminds me to move on

To higher ground where my goal lies

Slowing down as the heather gets thicker

The earth like a mattress bouncing my

Weary limbs back ready for one more

Tired stride towards a summit that is forever

Disappearing, getting further and further away

And then there it is

The summit that is my goal, my aim

Limbs as light as air now as

I race towards my nirvana

And then here I am

Sat on top of the world


The rainbow reflected back from

Deep inside the vault of the dank barrel

That had lain dormant since time

Immemorial. Lost for all eternity, save

For the old man on the hill

Watching the world spinning

Round and round and round

Seeing all

Hearing all

Knowing all

Saying nothing

Embedded in a maze of roots and shoots and

Branches, consuming his very being

As he becomes earth like, becomes as

One with nature, feeling her pain, her joy,

Reflecting on the rainbow

That tells the story of a time

When the black blood of the earth

Reached every corner of every country

Every nook and cranny of every continent

Roaming free, occasional jumps of joy

Until sticks drank it all for themselves

Save for one barrel, a memory hidden away

From all to see, save for the old man

Watching rainbows reflected

Back from when

Time began


Trying to explain myself

Is the hardest thing to do

Telling you the way I see life

As I see it, understand it

Can be harder than flying to the moon

 

You asked me to do this, do that

Wanted to hear what I had to say

Through my view, and then you

Ask me to explain myself again

Differently, in a way you understand

 

You do not understand me when I

Tell you how I see the world, tell you

How I feel in my words, I try to help

You understand me and my world

My life, my feelings, my emotions

 

And still you don’t understand me,

Still you want me to explain my world

In your words not mine. Why do you

Ask me to explain my world to you if

You cannot listen to me in the first place?


were the soul-giving

maker of my spirit

the bringer of divine-pleasure

my desire-enhancer

an enchanting-Goddess

of a thousand dreams

turned into the reality-giver

shaping the mundanity

of life-reflected

into a heaven sent

Angelic-lover from

a paradise thought lost

forever but now found in

You


He remembers that first day at school

On a cold September morn as his mother

Let go of his hand for the first time and let it

Drop to the floor, kissed him on the forehead,

Turned around and left him there alone for the

First time in a field of unfamiliar faces, a

Landscape of slow motion figures, revolving

Around him like a L.S. Lowry painting and then

They see him, a gaggle of kids looking for the

Vulnerable, those alone, easy meat to pick on,

Waiting to strike them, destroy them in the blink of an

Eye before anyone notices what is happening

And then they begin their attack, moving slowly,

Encircling their prey like a pack of wild chimps

Ready for the right moment to set about their

Victim, and he is alone in a wall of noise as

Figures past by not seeing him, avoiding him

Not wanting to be there when they tear into him,

And the first punch comes from nowhere and he

Falls to the cold, dark ocean of asphalt, his body

Sinking deep into it before rebounding ready for the

Next kick as faceless objects peer down at him

Laughing, mocking, enjoying seeing him in

Confusion and pain, asking why, why, why,

And the beating begins like a shower of meteor’s

Ripping into the earth from everywhere and

Then it stops as the clock strikes ten and this

Asphalt space is devoid of life,

No more noise, no more movement,

No more beating’s, and he lays on the skin

Of the earth the only sign of humanity in

This violent landscape


How she longs to feel his body next to

Hers once again, to be pulled so

Close to him that they become one

And she can feel his skin breathing

On hers, his heartbeat pulsing through

The tips of his fingers as they bathe in

Pools of morning dew created by a storm

Of passion, so intense, so ferocious, that

 

The very essence of the planet permeates

Their souls as their spirits entwine and become

One, creating seismic eruptions as universes are

Torn asunder creating a heavenly performance

Of dancing stars that follow the rhythmic beat of

Two hearts hammering out a message of

Longing to be near each other, to hear each other,

Smell each other, taste each other

 

Just one more time

 


He remembers holding his mother’s hand

On the night when the earth stopped turning

As he heard the last words his mother whispered

Felt her last breath on his skin

Watched her eyelids close one last time

Over eyes that would never see the

Beauty of life again nor feel pain

And her life became a memory in an instant

 

That would never fade as colours fade in the sun

Her grip never dimmed even though like the

Leaves on the autumn trees life began to

Fall and fade, clinging on to catch one

Last glimpse of sunlight, one last gasp of air

One last drop of morning dew

Before the leaf must succumb to the

Turning of the earth and drift down slowly

 

In a final spiral of life before

Returning to where it was born

And the dark of night is

Replaced by the brilliance of day

And his mother still holds his hand

As he feels life evaporating like the

Luminosity of a star meeting its fate

Yet even as hands grow weak and weary

 

Fall away, drift apart, he feels one final

Pulse of a heartbeat, one last bead of dew

One closing gulp of life on his forehead

And all that remains is the body of a

Woman he loved when she walked this

Earth and memories that will never fade

Away despite the passage of time and the

Turning of the earth

 


From a world of overwhelment

Where every Sound

Every Movement

Every smell

Is a

Mindful distraction

Of a life that

Never stops

Never sleeps

Only ends

To the serenity

And solitude of

Nature and a

World created by

Forces unknown, unseen

Understanding

The needs of man and

Allowing him to

Live peacefully

Calmly

Restfully

At last