Archive for May, 2014

I find it interesting that everybody wants to know what it is like to live on the autistic spectrum, yet when you offer them your story they’re not interested unless it’s from a parent or carer? Parents and carers do have a valuable role in developing the understanding of autism and living on the spectrum, but surely the best people to talk to are those of us who live with it day after day after day. Or am I missing the point?

Thank you Maya Angelou

Posted: May 28, 2014 in Uncategorized

I’ve always wanted to write my life story about how I see life and the battles I feel I’ve fought between my inner self and others. The beginning and the middle are not a problem. The ending always has been. But maybe today I’ve found some inspiration for my ending from tragic circumstances………………………..RIP Maya Angelou and thank you for everything xxx

Maya Angelou

Posted: May 28, 2014 in Uncategorized

Pen and Paper| Gulfam

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time”.

RIP Maya Angelou.

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The Fear

Posted: May 25, 2014 in Poems, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Sitting here in these familiar surroundings

Darkness lurking anywhere, everywhere

How I wish it was elsewhere

Instead of here

Taking over

Taking over my body

My soul

My conscience

My whole existence

Habituating every sinew and strand

Of my very substance

Invading, pillaging, raping

Intolerable, impossible

Cannot be evaded

Manifesting the fear

The fear of the future, the present, the past

The here, the now, the gone before

The fear of what maybe, what has been, what will never be

Fear of dark, of light, of twilight, dusk and dawn

Fear of hoards, fear of singleness, fear of being alive

Sat here alone, the fear of being alone

And as the fear takes over

Knowing not what to do

How to escape, avoid, elude, the fear

But the fear remains

Lurking in the murky corners of my mind

The fear must be beaten, punished, pulverised and overcome

Destroyed, slaughtered, nullified, impaired

Once and forever

Never to return, to recur, to retaliate

To encroach upon my intellectual sensibility


But goes away, distant, afar, never to return and retaliate

Never to converge in my mind, my soul, my very materiality

No more war, no more fighting, no more frightened

Of the fear


Outside Your Door

Posted: May 23, 2014 in Poems, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Have you every stepped outside your door

And taken the time to explore

To see, to hear, to taste, to smell, to touch

The life, the soul, the spirit of the landscape

That surrounds us, envelopes us, wraps us up

In it’s all encompassing, inescapable blanket

Or do you step outside and take it all for granted

That as you are here, so will it be

As you live and breathe, so does the land

And you assume it will still be here long after you are gone

For your children, grandchildren and more

Nieces, nephews and cousins

And generations to come to enjoy

Dare you assume and take for granted

The beauty that surrounds us every day

Or do you realise

That one day it may be gone


And it cannot come back

We cannot rebuild it

For it is too late

And we have destroyed

Our beautiful planet……………………forever

Shifting Souls

Posted: May 18, 2014 in Poems, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Shifting souls

Embedded in stone

Floating memories

Entrenched in time

Years build up

Pass by

Pass on

Forever in our souls

Until the pendulum stops

Ready for us

To join

Shifting souls

The machinations of incriminations

At exclamation of accusations

Of aberration of discrimination


An abomination of perception

Of overgeneralisation and extrapolation

Of communication through differentiation


And the Aspergersiation of Autistication

Reveals sensitisation of deprivation

Of the underestimation of sensory deprivation

Thank you

Posted: May 14, 2014 in Uncategorized

Just wanted to say thank you to everybody who has viewed my blog. Never imagined it would get to 150+ in such a short space of time. It means a lot and is very much appreciated. I’m very busy revising for an exam tomorrow, but will post some more at the weekend.

Take care

Andy Smith

Who am I?

Posted: May 11, 2014 in Poems, Thoughts, Uncategorized

As I sit here at the age of four score and six

Staring at the cliff face of my life

Unable to get over it, under it, round it

Stood here motionless, speechless, deaf

Unable to move, to speak, to hear, to breath

A whisper of wind from afar flows through my mind

And asks who am I?

Am I who I think I am?

The person I’ve grown up to be?

Tall, strong of stout build

A man amongst men

A worker, a father, a husband and a brother

Or is there someone else, someone hidden?

Beneath this exterior of masculinity that is on display

Have I been shaped by society to be what they expect me to be?

And not who I really am?

In order to be a part of society and not apart from it

This society that demands I portray myself in this way

Without asking me who I am?

Is this shell I inhibit merely a cascading façade from a lifetime of years

A shell that has been worked on and built into an exterior

That merely serves to hide the torrent of tears that flow inside

From a life of wandering the soil of this planet

Whilst wondering where I belong in the universe

Searching for who I am, for the person inside, searching for the real me

But as I search the vast universe that contains so many answers

I never find the ones I look for

And never know who I am

For deep inside of me is the real me

But it is suppressed deep, deep down

Like the skeleton of a dead whale

Lying, deep, deep down at the bottom of the sea

For no one to see

This real me

And not even me

Can see the real me


‘Increasingly I feel that we live in a world where it is ok to be different whether that is race, culture, ethnicity, gender or health condition when it suits people in power, who may be our boss at work, our doctor or someone who feels they can take advantage of us in some way’. ‘Difference then is something to be celebrated and applauded because we have a use to them, be it for economic gain, career progression or simply so they look better than someone else within their circle of friends and associates’. ‘I say this as an adult with Asperger’s Syndrome’. ‘When I am of use to someone then my Asperger’s is remembered, my inability to think flexibly is remembered, my inability to understand non-verbal communication is remembered and my other attributes that make me different to a neurotypical person are remembered’. ‘However as soon as I am of no use to them I am told to learn to think like a neurotypical person, modify my behaviour, be less and less different and to fit in with society and live unnoticed, indifferent, uniform as others do’. ‘Difference it seems is only to be celebrated when it suits people in power, not when it makes you the person who you are’.

Andrew Smith – 10th May 2014