between you and me
is the backbone of
the wild lands, bleak
moors covered in rough
grass and thigh deep
mud keeping us apart
in body but not in mind

between

Posted: January 17, 2020 in poetry, Uncategorized
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between now and then
is the here and now
constantly moving
never stopping
forever shifting
infinitely changing


you seem so near
yet so far
I stand in-between
lost


the wind howls
through me blowing
dreams in, nightmares
storm out, away
I am in the middle
unable to decide
whether to run or follow


My doctor gave me Prozac for my depression. It made things worse. The walls started moving and closing in on me. It felt like I was being attacked by my house. I went back and swopped them for something that didn’t give me hallucinations.

ice freeze

Posted: January 14, 2020 in poetry, Uncategorized
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ice has come
through my window
creating otherworldly
paintings on the glass
as it creeps in from
the cold searching
for my breath so
it can enter my body
and freeze me to death

first one

Posted: January 13, 2020 in poetry, Uncategorized
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i am the first one here tonight
the beginning of a new year
one that no-one knows
anything about as we wait
to see what secrets it
will reveal to us
bottles of water stand in silence
stiffly proud and stern
glasses surround them
protecting them from
forces unseen and unknown
i know one person isn’t
coming tonight but i wait
in excited anticipation to see
who will come through the door
i’m looking forward ot tonight
the start of a new writing year
and a new creative me


It’s May 2001. I’m feeling down, depressed. I go to the doctors for help for support. ‘What do you want me to do?’ ask my doctor. I sit there in shock. What do I do? What do I say? I leave with a box of tablets. Take these and don’t bother me again is the message I get. Go and sort yourself out.


At the moment I’m experiencing headaches on a daily basis and have been since July 2019. I’m currently waiting for the results from an MRI scan I had before Christmas. This poem reflects in part how I experience the headaches.

the excitement fades
the adrenalin goes
my body returns to normal
and they attack again
they’ve been waiting in
hiding in the deepest
recesses of my brain
waiting for the opportunity
to come out and dull
my senses, cloud my mind,
confuse me, delude me,
wear me out, make me doubt
everything i know and understand
the headaches are back
after a morning away
on holiday somewhere
returning today to cripple
my mind and body
coming back when i
least expect them
least need them
time and time again


i’m sat here in the library
trying to read a book of
poems except i can’t
i read some words and
then i wake up. i look
for my spot, i’ve only
been asleep a millisecond
and it’s gone. i look around
to see if anyone has noticed
that i fell asleep and i don’t
think they have. that means
i haven’t let out an ungodly
and unearthly noise. i find
the last words i remember
reading and then wake up